I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
