How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
