She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
