You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
