It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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