We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
