Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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