I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
