I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize