is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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