dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
