Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
