you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
