dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The power of my boobs compel you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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