I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
