Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
