I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
