That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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