All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
