She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
