just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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