I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
