i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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