I'm going to jail i love you
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
