dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
