Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
