im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's always time for handjobs
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
