Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
