id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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