Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
ttyl tear gas
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
