There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mom said you looked used
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
