if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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