I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
