Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
