Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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