So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A bitchslap is in order.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
