guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
