Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
