So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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