ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
