I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
