nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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