Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
