Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize