do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
