the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
