Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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