i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
