She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just forgot I was standing up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
