i permit you to call me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
