You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
