the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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