Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
