just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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