atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
