Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize