Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
