i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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