What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sobbing to NWA
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
