the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
