Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
